"It's funny that this is a phone."

When for the first time my daughter placed a call with my new phone, these were the words she said. I was struck at how succinctly she had managed to express what my feelings had been.

At the risk of sounding especially geeky, I have to gush forth about the current state of technology. Although I have one of the Android phones, I've used the Apple products and feel that they are equivalent in most places. Apple has a more mature application market, but I haven't felt left out of very much.  I would probably be just a gushy about an iPhone... I just would be paying more money for the experience. 

So here is this thing that's a deck-of-cards sized computer with more features and software than any table-straining desktop system I owned in the 90's. I use it to read books, websites, and email. I listen to music stored on the device as well as music streamed from the internet -- everywhere I go. I navigate: bus schedule from where-ever I am to where I want to be; satellite images and VR overlays when I'm walking; live traffic density mapping with audible, turn-by-turn directions to any location. I'm using this thing all the time, but I get a funny feeling whenever I have to use it like a phone - like Maxwell Smart and his shoe.  

It may be consolation to some, but there have been a few frustrating moments when whatever I'm doing is interrupted by a phone call. I use my phone all the time -- I just very rarely use it like a phone.

Whenever I want to know about anything, find anything, or contact anyone, I push the button that looks like a magnifying glass, type in the object of my desire, and am presented with a list of options. If it's knowledge I seek, Wiki is there. Need to find a location, or call a business? Tap the address to pull up a map, a satellite image, and a street-level view. Tap the phone number to call them. Where can I buy a sneed? Here's an option online: I can push a button and automatically pay for it and have it delivered. Here's a local option: want a map showing directions?

Oh, damn. Hold on, I have to take this call. Suddenly, my magic, full color, pocket window to the universe is a shoe up to my ear. Can I look something up? Check a map? See the weather? No, that's the thing that's stuck to my face. I'll have to call you back. Using a bluetooth headphone makes things a little better. I can use most of the apps, but unless I'm linked to a wi-fi cloud, I don't get internet when I'm yaking. It's a weird kink in that it brings into rich perspective just how excessively useful this thing is. Oh, I have to just talk when I'm on the phone? Well, if I have to.

Apple is trying to make hay about the no internet while talking limit that the iPhone doesn't have -- if you're in the right AT&T coverage area. Again, if you're not using a bluetooth headphone, it doesn't matter because the thing is stuck to your face. "What? Oh, hold on, I'll look that up." [thump] [thump] [thump] [thump] [thump] [thump] "Ya still there? It's on Tuesday."

Another drawback is that the device bridges the capabilities of the smart phone to the laptop, so it's much more than one, but not quite all of the other. Web pages either come up in a very simplified and limited version (with Extra Bonus Ads!!1!) or like on a windows 95 box with a 12" monitor and a phone modem. Since I have the glorious experience of trying to surf the web using a Palm product, I feel like I'm riding a rocket with a teeny-tiny viewport. Most flash sites fail utterly, some will kinda work.

I can read PDFs, but having to flip around anything more than 10K at a time gives the little phone the fits. 20MB PDFs make it chunk like a dump truck on square tires. Mostly, it's the crippled mobile sites and half-baked "mobile app" versions of websites that grate the most. I've given up trying to share stuff I read from the phone, since it's such a tremendous pain in the tushie to get such a limited and meaningless result.

Oh yeah, and it doesn't wash the dishes or clean the cat box. Short of that, it's my new best friend.

Public transportation is a completely different experience: obviously, entertainment is a given, but the abilities to quickly plan my trip by bus at any time, for any time, and to locate myself precisely on a map in seconds are priceless. Weather maps, forecasts, temps, and live radar helps me to plan my adventures. I can locate food, ATMs, or a hotel in seconds, so I never have to strike out in a random direction.

When I got my new phone, I used it to take a picture of all the things it replaced. Besides my phone (which I still really like as a phone), my PDA, my mp3 player, and my GPS receiver. It's also my camera, my barcode scanner, my accelerometer, my EM spectrum meter, my metal detector, my piano, my compass, my tuning fork, my sandbox, and my alarm clock.

Remember the hand-held "tricorders" on the old Star Trek series? They could wave that around and it could do anything. Analyze atmosphere, locate rare elements, diagnose disease: Spock could make a tricorder sing like a violin. I have a tricorder app. It doesn't diagnose disease yet, but I'm sure it will someday.